imcheryl
text, images, design CC copyright, Att, Non-Comm, No D, 2005-2009, With love, ...from the garden.
Instant Depression And Hope To Overcome It!
depression Okay, It's time to bare something here. Something close to my heart, and a wish that I can make it through - I know I can - I can even envision that success, and still the pangs of fear & depression hang nearby, wanting back in to my life. It happened almost instantly, following a phone call!
No! No! You are not allowed in to this beautiful world, depression - you are not welcomed here! And still it nags at me! The time of year doesn't help either, oh bother! It's too close to other depressing memories that want out of their box too! Darn it all - BURN THAT BOX!!!!
If you've ever been unemployed and had to depend on employment insurance to make ends meet you may know what I'm talking about. By being honest and forthright in my reports, letting them know that I did in fact sell a set of photographs and finally received payment late in August, (we're talking only a few dollars, the set was sold to a friend at a very reasonable price,) and reporting that fact... The rules state now this means a whole new process may have to be looked at, a questionaire has to be completed and analyzed and the possibility that a benefit payment may be delayed as much as 3 weeks... eee gads!
I've felt panicky since receiving that information from some poor fellow who just happens to have a job with the government, it's not his fault - the rules are just too awkward to handle something out of the ordinary.
I'm thinking to myself, considering all the experimentation I've done with "turning things around" and moving beyond my fear, that I might want to use this "opportunity in diguise" to catapult me to new levels in my awareness and understanding.
My "normal" response, if I ever was normal, would be panic and upset and anger and tears! And then I'd probably write here or elsewhere about how inefficient or dogmatic the government and their short sighted programs are, and ad infinitum. I'd be on a roll! I'd be a ranting and I'd be a rolling! And yet, I realize that the normal response for me just doesn't work, and I know it's never really successful - so why not try something different?
This is where the magic is - that's what I've come to understand over the past couple years. When faced with something that raises anger and other strong emotions it's as if a huge flag has been raised; it tells me there's an opportunity to approach the "problem" from a new perspective and with fresh approaches. So that is what I will attempt here through the art of "behaving as if" and I will behave as if I am totaly confident a solution will arise that is workable for the government and me. I will envision that the issue will be resolved easily and without lengthy delay. I will forgive myself for putting me in this position. I will forgive the government for their inflexible programs. In fact I'll take it a step further I envision this action will open doors for me I never even considered and in the end I will be more satisfied with my work and my passion than I have ever been.
Sound corny? maybe... But it has been an effective and reliable tool for me though I've only used it on what seemed like "little" things before. This feels more important and I envision it's importance will become trivial once I get through to the other side of this issue!
It's funny how something seemingly trivial can create what seem to be daunting challenges, in almost a wink of an eye. Fleeting, like the magical world I often speak of, I know for certain "this too shall pass". Of that there is no doubt. I could even just choose to ride the wave and let the cards fall as they may. That would be another alternative to becoming angry and depressed. That option is okay in many cases. In this particular case I'd rather see a completion and solution that has direction and a positive - win-win result. This is my goal...
Oh tears may fall; frustration is something that's hard to ignore! Anger is a strong emotion and fear can truly give a sense of feeling paralyzed. I will own those things and face them - I choose to face them and have them be gone for I have so little room in all I hope to accomplish for these emotions to take over my own sense of ability.
Bah humbug - and be gone - I've no use for fear, anger, or depression in a life so blessed with opportunity.
I put you emotions all in bubbles and blow you away to pop in the ethers and be on your way elsewhere for at this Inn; there's no room for dissent!
Phew! Okay - onward!
I'll let you know how that progresses! Watch for the magic! I could be crazy and yet I could be on to something far more sane and avoid a rat race life that serves no real and lasting purpose!
No! No! You are not allowed in to this beautiful world, depression - you are not welcomed here! And still it nags at me! The time of year doesn't help either, oh bother! It's too close to other depressing memories that want out of their box too! Darn it all - BURN THAT BOX!!!!
If you've ever been unemployed and had to depend on employment insurance to make ends meet you may know what I'm talking about. By being honest and forthright in my reports, letting them know that I did in fact sell a set of photographs and finally received payment late in August, (we're talking only a few dollars, the set was sold to a friend at a very reasonable price,) and reporting that fact... The rules state now this means a whole new process may have to be looked at, a questionaire has to be completed and analyzed and the possibility that a benefit payment may be delayed as much as 3 weeks... eee gads!
I've felt panicky since receiving that information from some poor fellow who just happens to have a job with the government, it's not his fault - the rules are just too awkward to handle something out of the ordinary.
I'm thinking to myself, considering all the experimentation I've done with "turning things around" and moving beyond my fear, that I might want to use this "opportunity in diguise" to catapult me to new levels in my awareness and understanding.
My "normal" response, if I ever was normal, would be panic and upset and anger and tears! And then I'd probably write here or elsewhere about how inefficient or dogmatic the government and their short sighted programs are, and ad infinitum. I'd be on a roll! I'd be a ranting and I'd be a rolling! And yet, I realize that the normal response for me just doesn't work, and I know it's never really successful - so why not try something different?
This is where the magic is - that's what I've come to understand over the past couple years. When faced with something that raises anger and other strong emotions it's as if a huge flag has been raised; it tells me there's an opportunity to approach the "problem" from a new perspective and with fresh approaches. So that is what I will attempt here through the art of "behaving as if" and I will behave as if I am totaly confident a solution will arise that is workable for the government and me. I will envision that the issue will be resolved easily and without lengthy delay. I will forgive myself for putting me in this position. I will forgive the government for their inflexible programs. In fact I'll take it a step further I envision this action will open doors for me I never even considered and in the end I will be more satisfied with my work and my passion than I have ever been.
Sound corny? maybe... But it has been an effective and reliable tool for me though I've only used it on what seemed like "little" things before. This feels more important and I envision it's importance will become trivial once I get through to the other side of this issue!
It's funny how something seemingly trivial can create what seem to be daunting challenges, in almost a wink of an eye. Fleeting, like the magical world I often speak of, I know for certain "this too shall pass". Of that there is no doubt. I could even just choose to ride the wave and let the cards fall as they may. That would be another alternative to becoming angry and depressed. That option is okay in many cases. In this particular case I'd rather see a completion and solution that has direction and a positive - win-win result. This is my goal...
Oh tears may fall; frustration is something that's hard to ignore! Anger is a strong emotion and fear can truly give a sense of feeling paralyzed. I will own those things and face them - I choose to face them and have them be gone for I have so little room in all I hope to accomplish for these emotions to take over my own sense of ability.
Bah humbug - and be gone - I've no use for fear, anger, or depression in a life so blessed with opportunity.
I put you emotions all in bubbles and blow you away to pop in the ethers and be on your way elsewhere for at this Inn; there's no room for dissent!
Phew! Okay - onward!
I'll let you know how that progresses! Watch for the magic! I could be crazy and yet I could be on to something far more sane and avoid a rat race life that serves no real and lasting purpose!
The Caretakers IMCheryl & John the Lucky Dragon
...as the moon dances away!
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